Most coaches really do want the best for their athletes. They have good intentions, most of the time, except being a well intended coach is not enough. Because what you want as a coach really doesn’t matter. It’s all about them. You must meet them on their level and having worked with tens of thousands of athletes across the country they crave one thing in their hearts.
The great mistake so many coaches make is imposing their wants on athletes. Now it does require kids and athletes to be honest with themselves about their desires. It takes courage in today’s loud and noisy world to not get caught up in craving what society says you should want to achieve.
What’s that ONE BIG THING? They all crave deep, meaningful, intellectual and intimate conversations. They crave talking about things that touch their heart and soul!
People think kids, whether that’s a college age individual or someone who is 12 years old, are dumb or don’t wanna have conversations.
This is doubly important too because if you want kids to open up and be honest with you they must trust you. One of, if not the best way to get people to trust and connect with you is to talk about topics that move them. Enough of the surface level conversations!
One of my core values or as I call them my “non-negotiables” is experience. Now some people misunderstand what I mean by this word. By experience I mean I want to move people. I want people to walk away feeling different. To feel my energy enter into their lives so that when they reflect later that day our interaction, they will say “what an experience”
Experiences Move Athletes
I am so fortunate to work with so many amazing human beings and I do not take any one of those people for granted. They all have their own desires and guiding them to blaze their own path is extremely fulfilling.
Last night actually I was able to spend about 90 minutes talking with an athlete about life and athletics. And many of their questions had to do with preparations for high level competitions. The touching part was that I know giving them tools and resources to prepare for an upcoming event may or may not serve them in the short term…
If you want to guide and alter the course of a person’s life whether that is in school, sports, relationships or career very rarely does discussing that subject work for the long term. There are root causes that live deeper with the individual and if you can get to those you will see the light bulb go off for them.
You see it’s the foundation of everything that I teach is to upgrade the PERSON and then everything else follows. You want a better relationship. Upgrade the person. What better results in sports or business? Upgrade the person.
Far too many people are trying to fix the relationship, the sport or career. And truthfully if you want to take it to another level, it would be to expand your identity!
When your identity expands your entire life expands.
Being a Simple Athlete
To achieve better results does not mean we have to complicate things. People believe that the problems in their lives require complex answers. But the reality is it’s the basics that win in life.
But that is the exact reason people do not do them because it seems too simple. The real things that achieve real results are simple…
For example I had my own experience with this first hand when I was about 25 years old. At the time doing well in business spent several years growing and then felt like the level of growth I was craving seemed to slow or stall. So I went on a quest to figure out how to grow at an exponential level.
As I began digging deeper the number one common denominator I saw with highly successful people was reading. Yup, you read that right. But as with 98% of the population I was highly skeptical to say the least. How was reading to grow my business? Or help me grow as a person, relationships, financially etc…
It was a crazy amount of reading too. Like the top CEOs in the world read a book a week! Warren Buffet and Tony Robbins talked about how even to this day it’s the number one thing that keeps them ahead of the curve because they were educated on old historical patterns and predicting where the future was headed.
Long story short, I put it to the test and holy shit how much has it changed the course of my life. It’s why when you walk in my office there are bookshelves and books everywhere. Parents and kids come in and say it looks like a library here and that’s on purpose because I want them to witness how important reading is to me.
BUT try telling a college athlete the best way to change the course of their life is to start reading a book a month. You will convince very few of them!
The best way you can alter the course of their life is with those deep conversations. Think about it, most of their relationships are virtual. They do not have the same human connection I had growing up. Now I am not saying their way of living is wrong or bad. What I am saying is that if you study and understand human beings they wanna feel connected. You know it’s much different having a conversation in person rather than over the phone…
Now take the voice away from it and it’s done through text, snapchat and IG messaging. But I don’t yell and scream at them about how dumb that is. Rather I meet them on their level. I text them and send them IG messages because I know with certainty once they feel comfortable they will wanna sit down and talk.
It’s how we are wired. We are wired for people to touch our souls and found that I have been given this type of superpower with individuals to have those deep conversations with them.
It does not matter the person or their personality. People will say all the time that he/she is quiet and shy, which does not apply to them. False! You just have not built that connection with them yet for them to sit and discuss what moves them.
It’s why I love these past 18 months of being able to build those connections so people feel comfortable to have conversations that move them!
Take notice of the type of conversations you are having with your kids and athletes. Is it about you or maybe it’s subjects they really don’t enjoy talking about! Find what touches their heart!