TWU Gymnastics Mentorship

The Question of Worthiness

One of life’s most difficult questions to answer is simply “Do you feel worthy enough to have everything you desire?” Do you actually feel that you deserve to have everything your heart desires. Every goal, relationship, accomplishment, tangible desire? For many this is why it’s so difficult to obtain what we truly want.

We simply do not believe in our hearts that we deserve all of life’s greatest desires.

Without much context most people think they would answer those questions differently. People would simply say to themselves in their head that they deserve it all. The reality is in their hearts they live with a feeling of unworthiness.

Over the past 14 months pouring more of my time, energy and efforts towards mentoring and guiding young adults this is one of the most common pieces of the puzzle holding them back. Most people have great intentions or big goals they want to accomplish. Yet they say either the politically correct answers…

Or the greater issue is they simply do not believe they can have what they desire. One of my follow up questions for people after we begin discussing what they want to accomplish is “What percentage do you believe you can have what you say you want?”

Two very interesting facts: No one has ever said 100%! Then I have also individuals tell me 1%!

For me that is freaking mind blowing! Most of these people and especially all of the college athletes are already HUGE High Achievers. They have experienced some of the greatest success in their sports that’s even possible. The majority  have actually accomplished some of the greatest goals in their athletic life and yet still see themselves as unworthy to have more. Let me tell you why you are worthy.

Lack of Worthiness

For so many they can not figure out why they continue to live with these feelings. They struggle in search of answers because they crave so much more out of life yet are being torn to pieces because they can not figure out their feelings.

So many individuals, especially young adults, have hundreds of self-imposed imperfections. You ask them to list things they would change about themselves and they can write answers for hours. Ask them to list things they love and value about themselves. It takes seconds.

Why is there such a large disconnect? Perfectionism is the short answer. Many kids feel that if things or accomplishments in their lives are not perfect then it’s not even worth celebrating. If it was not a monumental moment or earth shattering event then it gets looked over.

The primary comment so many kids tell themselves is “that was supposed to happen”. Whether that statement is true or not it really does not matter. Because the purpose of life is to live in an overwhelming number of joyful moments rather than stressful moments.

 Rather the stress has seemed to take over the planet.

Why Worthy

We all crave more out of life yet fear paralyzes us. It’s funny to think about because when we are sad or depressed we know we should get moving and motivated but feel paralyzed. Stress is paralyzing. Most negative emotions of fear, jealousy, envy, stress, anxiety, sadness etc keep us paralyzed in life.

But what if life did not have to be this way? What if you knew that you were deserving of it all. If you grew to where individuals were chasing your standard of life. What if everything in life became a celebration instead of a stressful moment…

The idea is about starting to build some momentum in life so you feel that sense of worthiness. For nearly everyone that begins with themselves. It’s to let the mind free of all the self-imposed imperfections that quite frankly do not even exist! Let go of the fear that you have but does not truly  exist…

This is an interesting concept because when I mentor individuals 1-on-1 people are terrified to actually write down and talk about their true ambitions. Fear of being judged, being accepted, being enough. Fear of letting people down…

But here is the kicker, aside from maybe me, NO ONE else has to see what these ambitions are. Point being is it’s impossible to be judged by something no one knows about. It’s not possible to be accepted or not when others do not know your ambitions.

On the flip side of that while they have this self-imposed fear little do they realize their peers are living in the same fear. Just by using each other can be a superpower towards overcoming all these fears.

Accept Yourself

You must learn to accept yourself the way you are at this point so your heart can be free.

Do not get me wrong I have not always lived like this and always keep in mind especially when I was in high school and college I most certainly did not think this way.

Yet that’s why I am so fired up about getting this message out to the world because I genuinely do not think we have a sadness or depression problem. I do not think it’s a stress or anxiety problem…

I believe the root cause of these things is an identity and worthiness problem!

Life is difficult to live in stress or sadness when you feel abundantly worthy. It’s tough to feel depressed when you’re living your true identity.

Now this does not mean these emotions never appear in your life. It simply means we begin to make the decision that we are not going to be addicted to them and spend the majority of our life feeling those.

Waging War

Consider this, most people wake up every morning and immediately begin a war within their own mind. So many people start their days of thinking of the worst possible scenario that can happen that day. They have trained themselves to believe that if they think the worst it will give them the best chance of survival.

My question is: Is that how you want to spend your life, in survival? I know very few people that at the end of the day love laying down at night and saying to themselves “Fantastic day of survival, that was awesome” or “Outstanding  job managing my day, exhilarating”

Hell no! People do not want to live like that. People wanna live in celebration and joy! Individuals crave the feeling of excitement.

Feeling Worthy

So what makes you worthy? One of the questions I have people answer is writing down several of their uniquenesses. We all have things that make us unique as a person, in our relationships, in our sport, as a teammate…The list goes on.

But you are unique! Those uniquenesses are a quick way to start focusing on your value. Those are a simple way to see how you are worthy.

Do not discount any of your answers. There are no bad or wrong answers.

Ask a few of your close friends or people that you trust. That’s another reason why a mentor is so important. When I work with people individually. I have them make their list and then our next meeting I can usually list 15, 20, 25 things quickly just from an hour conversation with them.

This is one of those “Oh Shit” moments for kids because I can see in their eyes the light bulb starting to go off. They knew the answers were inside them. Sometimes it helps to have someone help dig to pull them out.

The reality is you are deserving and worthy to have it all! It does not make you selfish or a bad person. Does not take anything away from others. It simply allows you to live the life YOU desire!

Decide what you want and go get it!

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